• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content

Adam Rafferty

Funky Fingerstyle Guitar

  • Home
  • Free Guitar Lessons
  • My New Book
  • Store
  • Tour
  • Blog
    • All Posts List
  • Podcast
    • All Episodes List
  • About
  • Contact
    • NEW – “Ask Adam” Voicemail
    • Booking Contact
    • Contact (email)
  • Show Search
Hide Search
You are here: Home / Law of Attraction / Connecting With Another Person

Connecting With Another Person

By Adam Rafferty 1 Comment

Sometimes you connect in a relationship, and at other times you don’t. If you understand the law of “you get what you think about” and that thoughts “snowball” it can help you understand what is going on between you & another person.

Last night my girlfriend and I decided to go out for a drink at a local bar. Poor Jill, I know I have had a one track mind about my solo CD and career. All I have been doing is stuff like re-recording tracks, mastering, paying for licenses, poking around on myspace, and so on.

Jill is working as the assistant dean at a prestigious college here in NYC. She is getting very busy as the school year is revving up.

So, I decide to myself before going out to meet her that I do not want to talk about my stuff. I’d rather be a good listener tonight.

We meet, and I ask her how work went.

I hear all about the personalities, the responsibilities which are unfolding, the madness of it all. And while streams of story-lines shift I am doing my best to follow, but it is hard. First off I don’t know the people, and I am trying to NOT think about my stuff for once. Of course that’s like saying don’t think about a pink elephant.

At one point Jill (who has been doing all the talking) says “I feel like you are not listening”. Uh oh, here we go. Men are from Mars….get ready!!!!

I reply “I’ve been listening the whole time”. I see the argument coming I have had 1000 times with other people and past girlfriends, and I have been on both sides of it. I have felt “not understood” or like “so and so does not care, but only cares about her own stuff”.

We all like to feel connected, we like that honeymoon stage we were once in when all we could think about was how awesome the other person is.

I thought to myself, “What is really going on here? How can I grasp this problem of what is happening – she’s talking about work & her stuff, I am thinking about my stuff, but really trying to think about her stuff, and we are in 2 different universes right now. She feels it and so do I.”

The answer lies in the Law of Attraction, believe it or not.

I had spent days on music here at my house. Recording, mixing, editing, licensing, talking, practicing, teaching. And – the more you think about something, the more you get it – so music and guitar are like this 10 ton locomotive that can’t just come to a screeching halt, due to the momentum of thoughts.

Likewise, she’s been updating the school website, organizing, learning what new tasks lay ahead when dazed & confused freshmen walk in – immersed in that situation for hours. These thoughts have gained such momentum that she can’t stop thinking and talking about it. To her, my talking about music feels like a splash of cold water that has nothing to do with her thoughts at the time. That’s why I simply wanted to be a good listener.

Out of desperation (this was so cute) Jill says to me at the bar “okay, I won’t talk about work and you don’t talk about music. (pregnant pause). What the hell is there to talk about? We have nothing to talk about (panic)”. This was so cute and so funny. I love her!!

So I told her “Honey, see what is happening here and don’t worry. Your thoughts have snowballed due to the attention you have given to certain subjects, and mine have too. We have momentum of thoughts that are rolling in different right now. That’s normal and okay. No crisis here!”

I continued, in my wise, long winded, know-it-all fashion, “I guarantee that as we hang out tomorrow and build up a new immediate past (interesting way of describing the present), and pay attention to being together at the beach, we’ll feel in-snyc soon enough.”

“No need to block out thoughts and force other thoughts. Be gentle about it.”

Get it?

I know now (but sort of always did on a gut level) that it takes a little time to get momentum of thoughts, but once you do – secrets reveal themselves and realizations pop up out of the unknown. Practicing music for hours gives you momentum. Building a habit of exercise gives a momentum. Computer programming gives a momentum – in fact when I learned to program PERL, I’d spend hours and then be dreaming about it!

Relationships are no different. Being in a relationship also has a certain momentum, and that’s why you have to put in time with a relationship just like anything else.

Until tomorrow, my little blog-puppies!!

P.S. I forgot who made the following quote but I love it and laugh at myself as I have bombarded my inner circle of friends and family with my new musical projects – “But enough about me. Tell me what YOU think about me.” 🙂

Filed Under: Law of Attraction, Spirituality

About Adam Rafferty

I’m Adam Rafferty – a guitar player born and raised in New York City, and currently spending most of my time on tour playing concerts and coaching my guitar students online at StudyWithAdam.com

Trending

  • Fingerstyle Guitar, Guitar, Jazz Education, Personal Developement, Practice, Success
    10 Tips for Healthy Guitar Practicing
  • Guitar, Jazz Education, Recording
    Guitar Right Hand Technique – Nails vs Flesh?
  • Guitar, Jazz Education
    How To Build Your Own Fingerstyle Guitar Arrangements – Part 1
  • Fingerstyle Guitar, Gear Reviews, Guitar, Practice
    Should You Use a Thumb Pick for Fingerstyle Guitar?
  • Guitar, Jazz Education
    Don’t Use a Metronome
  • Fingerstyle Guitar, Guitar, Tour Diary
    My Personal Fingerstyle Guitar Setup Measurements
  • Fingerstyle Guitar, Guitar, Jazz Education, Practice
    8 Tips for Playing Fingerstyle Guitar Without Making Mistakes
  • Guitar, Jazz Education, Online Promotion
    Critical Info for Youtube Musicians Who Perform Cover Songs
  • Gear Reviews, Guitar, Online Promotion, Recording
    Youtube Recording Technique for Guitar Videos
  • Guitar, Jazz Education, Law of Attraction, Personal Developement, Spirituality
    The Secret to Improving Your Guitar Skills and Battling Frustration

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Danny says

    August 27, 2007 at 3:26 am

    Very nice, I think you have articulated something that many couples (especially couples in which one is an artist of some kind and the other isn’t) go through. Relating ideas like relationships, thoughts, concerns, temporary obsessions, etc. to momentum, I think, is a good and valid analogy. It’s important to understand that it takes time for that momentum of thought to build up and it equally takes time for it to slow down to the point that a new energy can focused in a different direction. Thanks for the blogs.

    By the way, I seem to remember a similar quote coming from an episode of “Cheers.” Sam was on a date with a woman, and after an evening of relentless self-promotion, Sam says to his date, “but enough about me let’s talk about you. What do you think of me.” Or something like that.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Get private guitar coaching from me HERE.

Adam Rafferty

Copyright © 2022 Adam Rafferty and Crescent Ridge Publishing | Email Policy | Privacy GDPR, & Cookies

FREE - “Discover the 7 Tools You'll Need to Record Awesome Fingerstyle Guitar - At Home!”
Learn how you can get great results with very affordable equipment. I'll show you exactly what I used at home to record my most recent CD. Enjoy!
Start playing "Simplicity" and "Vitamin E Blues" - in just minutes...for FREE!
Your tabs will come INSTANTLY via email. Just fill out this form, grab your guitar and start learning - Instantly!
Discover 5 Powerful Techniques that Will Make You Sound Like a Full Band on a Single Guitar. Learn to play Bass Lines, Melodies and Grooves at the Same Time - Guaranteed!
Watch these FREE guitar lesson videos revealing my “secrets” to guitar technique, groove, and effective practice so that you can improve YOUR playing, INSTANTLY!
FREE - Get PDF tabs and 9 Step-by-Step Video Lessons for "Vitamin E Blues" - Instantly...
Your PDF tabs and video links will come INSTANTLY via email. Just fill out this form, grab your guitar and start learning - in just minutes!
Get the FREE PDF and Start Playing "Simplicity" for Solo Guitar in Just Minutes!
You will love learning and playing this song...and your friends and family will listen in amazement as YOU play it!
Learn to play "Silent Night" for Fingerstyle Guitar - Instantly!
You'll get a PDF and 8 Video Guitar Lessons, FREE.
Start playing "Vitamin E Blues" In Just Minutes...for FREE!
Subscribe to my newsletter and get Instant Access to the free PDF with the tabs and a 9 part video lesson, free! Grab your guitar and start learning - immediately.
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
Learn to play "Silent Night" for fingerstyle guitar - Instantly!
You'll get a PDF with complete guitar tabs and 8 video guitar lessons - free.
FREE - “Discover the 7 Tools You'll Need to Record Awesome Fingerstyle Guitar - At Home!”
Learn how you can get great results with very affordable equipment. I'll show you exactly what I used at home to record my most recent CD. Enjoy!
Start playing "Simplicity" and "Vitamin E Blues" - in just minutes...for FREE!
Your tabs will come INSTANTLY via email. Just fill out this form, grab your guitar and start learning - Instantly!
Discover 5 Powerful Techniques that Will Make You Sound Like a Full Band on a Single Guitar. Learn to play Bass Lines, Melodies and Grooves at the Same Time - Guaranteed!
Watch these FREE guitar lesson videos revealing my “secrets” to guitar technique, groove, and effective practice so that you can improve YOUR playing, INSTANTLY!
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
FREE - Get PDF tabs and 9 Step-by-Step Video Lessons for "Vitamin E Blues" - Instantly...
Subscribe to my newsletter and get Instant Access to the Free PDF - and videos! The will come INSTANTLY via email. Grab your guitar and start learning - in just minutes!
Get the FREE PDF and Start Playing "Simplicity" for Solo Guitar - Instantly!
You will love learning and playing this song...and your friends and family will listen in amazement as YOU play it!
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
FREE - Get PDF tabs and 9 Step-by-Step Video Lessons for "Vitamin E Blues" - Instantly...
Subscribe to my newsletter and get Instant Access to the Free PDF and videos! Links will come INSTANTLY via email. Grab your guitar and start learning - in just minutes!
FREE - Get the Tabs and MP3 for
"Just A City Boy" - Instantly...
Your PDF tabs and mp3 will come INSTANTLY via email. Just fill out this form, grab your guitar and start learning - in just minutes!
FREE - Get the Tabs and MP3 for
"Ciao Bella" - Instantly
Your PDF tabs and MP3 will come INSTANTLY via email. Just fill out this form, grab your guitar and start learning - in just minutes!
FREE - Get the Tabs and MP3 for
"Listen to Your Heart" - Instantly...
Your PDF tabs and mp3 will come INSTANTLY via email. Just fill out this form, grab your guitar and start learning - in just minutes!
FREE - Get the Video Lessons, Tabs and MP3 for
"Shelter Island" - Instantly...
Your PDF tabs and video links will come INSTANTLY via email. Just fill out this form, grab your guitar and start learning - in just minutes!
FREE - Get the Tabs and MP3 for
"America" - Instantly...
Your PDF tabs and mp3 will come INSTANTLY via email. Just fill out this form, grab your guitar and start learning - in just minutes!
10 Tips for Healthy Guitar Practicing
The form collects information we will use to send you updates about promotions, special offers, and news. We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
Almost there! Please complete this form and click the button below to subscribe to the newsletter and gain instant access.
Learn to play "O Come All Ye Faithful" for Fingerstyle Guitar, Instantly!
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
Subscribe to my newsletter and get Instant Access to the Free PDF - enjoy!
Learn "Angels We Have Heard on High" for Fingerstyle Guitar, Instantly.
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
Subscribe to my newsletter and get Instant Access to the Free PDF - enjoy!
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
FREE - Get the PDF Tabs for this "E7 Groove"
Instantly...
Subscribe to my newsletter and receive tips about guitar and get instant access to the free PDF.

Learn to use harmonics, slaps and percussion!
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
Download The "Groove Scales PDF" and Watch Your Technique Improve Effortlessly!
Subscribe to my newsletter and receive tips about guitar and get instant access to the free PDF.

Learn this simple yet powerful warm up technique in minutes...
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
Download The "4 Levels of Thumb Picking" and Watch your Technique Improve Dramatically!
Subscribe to my newsletter and get instant access to the FREE PDF!.

Full chord progression as played in the video is included in the tabs.
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
Discover Lush Guitar Harmonies With a Simple
One Finger Move...
Subscribe to my newsletter and get instant access to the FREE PDF!

You'll also get the 'move' as well on D, G, C, E and A minor chords in the tabs!
Learn to play "O Holy Night" for Fingerstyle Guitar - Instantly!
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
Subscribe to my newsletter and get Instant Access to the Free PDF - enjoy!
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
Give Your Technique and Fretboard Knowledge a Boost - Quickly and Easily....
Subscribe to my newsletter and get instant access to the FREE PDF!

You'll get the 3 octave G scale with all tabs and fingerings - Instantly!
Learn to Play Arpeggios "Magically" on the Guitar - In Just Minutes...
It's actually so easy to understand and play arpeggios using this technique, that you'll feel like you're cheating! :-) Enjoy!
Give Your Technique and Fretboard Knowledge a Boost, Quickly and Easily...
Subscribe to my newsletter and get instant access to this free PDF. You'll get the "Boost Your Scale Chops" tabs with fingerings delivered Instantly!
We take your privacy seriously. No spam. See our terms and privacy here.
Are You Curious About the Jazz Solo from
my "Black Orpheus" Video?
Tabbed out just for you! Here's the improvised solo from "Black Orpheus" plus a lead sheet of the alternate chord changes I use. Enjoy!